It’s good to know that Kelly Clarkson believes that being attracted to women means being attracted to yourself as she states that she could “never be a lesbian“.

Ms. Clarkson seems to by into the whole essentialist garbage which states women are crazy and men are the level headed factor that helps women “even out”.

I know she is just a silly pop star… but really, why does she have to make statements like these?  and why do they need to become entertainment news?

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more about ““Prop 8- The Musical” – Community“, posted with vodpod

I have heard it before and I will hear it again:

  • “Why is it so important to remember December 6th?”
  • “Don’t you think you are wasting your time?”
  • “You know, men have violence done against them too and they don’t get a day.”
  • “Violence happens all the time, you’re just making women out to be victims and men to be bad guys.

Remembering December 6th is very important because we need to recall that on this day a man entered École Polytechnique in Montreal, Quebec, Canada and murdered 14 women because they were women.  We need to remember that the majority of violence that is inflicted on women is perpetrated by men.  We need to recongize that this a problem on epidemic proportions. And we need to know that all of us have the ability to find ways to stop this from happening.

December 6th is not about man-bashing or victimhood, it is about bringing awareness to everyone about the culture of violence that we live in everyday.  Men perpetrate much of this violence… against women… against children… and against other men.  Violence against women is not something to be defined as a “women’s issue” because this assumes that women, those who are having violence inflicted upon them, are suppose to be the ones to stop it.  This is a men’s issue and men need to become aware of this.  That is why it is so great to have things like the White Ribbon Campaign where men stand in solidarity and actively work to end violence.

The way to end violence is not by ignoring it but by point it out and declaring it to be unacceptable in a society that we deem free and equal.  How can we all be free and equal while overwhelmingly one group is violating the safety and well-being of another?  I’m sure we could forget about the Montreal Massacre Memorials that are held annually, we could turn our backs to women who have experienced violence and tell them that it’s better just to forget that violence occurred and move on… but does this end violence?  I am fairly certain that by now, most of us have learned that when we have a problem, ignoring it does not make it go away, usually things become worse.  If this is the case, then we all need to pay close attention to the issues surrounding violence against women and make ourselves and others aware.

I encourage everyone (in Canada) to find out if there is a Montreal Massacre Memorial in your area this December 6th and to attend it.  For those in London, Ontario there is one happening in Victoria Park at 5pm on Saturday.  Also, get informed about how men can and need to help end violence.

Until the Violence Stops.

I am currently enrolled in an online psychology class about human sexuality.  Since it is an online course there are message board discussions for class participation grades.  The questions given are opinion based and meant to be controversial.  I have been increasingly agitated by the responses by the class to some of these questions.  The most recent question is as follows:

Does oral sex qualify as “sex?” Bill Clinton didn’t seem to think so, and a number of teens today see oral sex as a “loophole” of sorts—a safe alternative to intercourse. What is your opinion? Does the definition of sex differ in different contexts or situations to include or exclude oral sex?

I had to chuckle when I first read the question because, for me, if it has sex as part of it’s name, then yes, oral sex is sex.  It’s like asking “is the hot tea, tea?”

I soon discovered that a majority of board posters personally defined sex as penetrative, favouring penis in vagina penetration with a specific bent on virginity.  I pointed out that such a definition of sex is heterocentric and phallocentric and that it excludes individuals, such as lesbians. I also thought that it was a dangerous definition that in the past has been used to define what actions are and are not rape, therefore disregarding and devaluing experiences of sexual assault.

It turns out the class wasn’t having any of my explanation.  Even when one individual who agreed with me went to Webster’s Dictionary to find an “official” definitions which read as follows:

SEX – 3 a: sexually motivated phenomena or behavior b: sexual intercourse

SEXUAL INTERCOURSE – 1 : heterosexual intercourse involving penetration of the vagina by the penis : coitus
2 : intercourse (as anal or oral intercourse) that does not involve penetration of the vagina by the penis

Individuals still held to claims of sex only meaning that which includes a penis penetrating something.  People have flat out written that they do not think lesbians are having or can have sex.  I am most disturbed with the fact that these individuals do not see what is wrong with their argument.

The bottom line is that it is heterocentric and phallocentric to define sex around the “all mighty” penis.  These arguments logically lead to understandings of sexual behaviour that centre around men and their pleasure.  If the penis is the tool that defines when sex is occuring, that this means that men alone are “having sex” while women “have sex done” to them.   This definition ignores any number of sexual experiences and behaviours that include sexual orientation, preference, and physical ability and it is harmful to devalue these experiences of others.

I don’t know why I am so surprised that a majority of people posting define and want adherence to a definition that is heterosexual and sexist… All I have to do is glance at the front cover of a Cosmo magazine and remember how our society defines sex and who is favoured within that definition.

This poor abandoned blog… *sigh*  I’m a horrible blogger.

There is always the typical excuses… Not enough time… My computer is crushed with viruses… My cat ate my homework…  But really, doesn’t it just come down to priorities?  Sadly, this blog has not been at the top in recent months.

In the midst of graduating from one degree and starting a new one as well as pushing myself to start thinking about certain futures for myself, I want to come back to this blog and start to hash out thoughts and issues once more.

So, if there are any faithful readers out there, please know that this blog is not dead and there should be something of substance in the near future.

I don’t usually go in for these sex advice articles from Yahoo! News but today I came across this piece that I actually agree with.

It talks about vibrators and encourages women to explore their sexuality with a nice vibrating friend.  I have met several women who were shocked that I owned and used vibrators and seemed nervous about the idea for themselves.  I think a lot of women (whether they watched Sex and City or not) have an image of Charlotte becoming “addicted” to her vibrator and that this is a bad thing, as it replaces men and takes over your life.  This article points out that addiction to orgasms isn’t a bad thing and even so, droves of women are not going to start locking themselves in their bedroom to spend time with their new pal.

Outside of the apprehension of women, I have also met men who are scared to know women who use vibrators.  I once walked into a sex toy shop with a man who looked at me horrified and said “Isn’t your partner enough for you?!” As if I’m some crazed nymphomaniac.  Some men can become threatened by sex toys thinking that they are somehow being replaced.  Instead, these men should embrace the use of toys as enhancing the sexual experience between themselves and their partner.

What I liked best about this article was that it lets women know that if they happen to be someone who does not like toys or doesn’t own several, than that is okay.  It doesn’t make you less adventurous or mean you have worse sexual experiences than those women who do use toys.

All in all, I was impressed by this article and encourage people to read it.  I also think I will steal the final questions at the end and pose them here:

How do you feel about vibrators? Do you own one? Do you use them as a couple?

Sarah Haskins is my new hero with her Target Women shorts on current.com

Here are a couple to get you laughing.